Dakota Beerman

2024 started with a Big A## Calendar. Thanks Jesse Itzler. Vision starts with dreaming about what your life, decade, year could be. It should be aspirational. It should scare you.

I find that like an onion peeled back, you discover your purpose and meaning over time. It’s important to have new experiences, challenging experiences, as well as new relationships.

How do you do that when married?

Two years ago my wife and I tried this by traveling to Nashville and getting an Airbnb. I wanted to go to a new place, a new environment and spark some creativity. We spent a lot of time jotting ideas about what our future could be. After a few short months of marriage we decided to do this. Our future was like a blackboard filled with disconnected ideas with a few through lines. I wrote them down and organized them as a healthy 5 enneagram would do.

This year we stayed local, and worked through our past to discover our future. Sounds magical, huh? We went to Mom n Em in Madisonville, OH for brunch. We went to Summit Hotel and sat by a fake fire place as we worked through more of the details of our 2024 life together.

Step 1 – Reflect.

How was 2023? What did you learn? What would you do different? what would you do the same?

The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. -Albert Einstein

The reason we reflect is to learn.

*I also find that it makes me more grateful.

Step 2 – Revise your vision.

This surprised me but a lot of things changed for us in 2 years. Our desires, our goals, our dreams shifted a little. We had a goal timeline for our dream home but we moved it out 5 years. Now, community and being near the city were more important than moving out to our country dream home. We decided we want our future kids to experience some life near the city.

Step 3 – Challenge yourself

Challenge and conflict have the power to bring out best selves forward. My wife challenged me on my goals. I challenged her on hers. It led to raw and real conversation. It also shaped how important our goals are. Can they stand the test of challenge?

Step 4 – Have fun

After to healthy conflict, it was time to have fun. We chose ice skating. This was perfect because it was physical and it was funny. It got us out of our serious conversation and allowed us to laugh. Mostly, her laughing at me (I can’t skate).

Step 5 – Connect

To finish the night we watched a movie together and relaxed into bed. We were both drained and doing something relaxed to finish the day was perfect.

What would I do different?

I would recommend preparing more. I find that my wife does not love too much planning. I love it. I’m the weird one. I should do planning before the planning. Be selective in what questions you ask. choose the best ones and keep it simple. This also means propose several things that she can say yes or no to. For example, there are a LOT of places that you could travel. Instead of having to search the whole world for your destination, select a few places you know she will love. Let her weigh in on 3 places instead of thousands!

Be prepared for challenge. Your goals affect your spouse. I assumed my goals would be something that she gets excited about. You will rub each other the wrong way and have to get creative so that both of you achieve your goals.

Pro Tip: Go into it looking to help your spouse achieve their dreams, goals, new habits.

What is going to make her life better this year? This week? Men tend to look long term and women seek the present needs.

Final Note: Vision planning in your marriage takes time and reps. Don’t try to be perfect, try to do your best, and stick with it!